The Grand Sasuke Show!
by Naruto016
Summary: Welcome to the grand opening of Sasuke's funny acts! Freak show... torture Sasuke device, whatever you wish to call it. Oh and, no matter what you think after reading this, I do not belong in a mental hospital.
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome, welcome! Im glad you checked this out. For this, is a show of torturing Sasuke-teme! (sorry to all those Sasuke fans out there) I do not advise eating or drinking while reading this. Be happy you saved your computer from a drippy mess. Oh and, one more thing, I wrote this for fun. For all the smiles and weird expressions out there when all of you read this. :D  
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**P.S. I do not belong in a mental hospital. ^.-**

**...  
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Sasuke: Hi...*looks around nervously, unsure of the huge tree cutting machine sitting at edge of stage*

Me: Sasuke-kunnnnnnnnnnnn! You are late! Unrealistically, absurdity, stupidly late!*Drags the short guy over to huge human sawing machine*

Sasuke: Excuse me? 1/1000000000000000000*pants after saying all the zeros* of a second is not late!

Me: So is, you're so stupid.

Sasuke: Then you're stupider.

Me: *singing* Im sorry but thats currently not a word in the english dictionary!

Sasuke: I don't spend my time arguing with stupid people*makes the annoying "hn" sound*

Me: *Explodes with fury* The lassstttt strrraaawww. *drags Sasuke over to rubber cliff* Down you go.

Sasuke:*trembles with fear* Ahh... my sweet beautiful darling... spare my life.

Me: *Takes minute to process all of that* I am pretty! An angel from the heeaveenssssssss. *sings* But go die in a hole. *shoves*

Sasuke: *falls down the rubber cliff* Noooooooooo!

...

Sasuke: Ugh, where am I?

Me: Hospital man, you're so stupid.

Sasuke: Well, you are also so stu-...*pauses after seeing huge chainsaw appear out of nowhere* umm... stunning!

Me: Why thank you, now shut up and heal so we can continue this freak show.

Doctor: Miss... umm, Uchiha? Are you Sasuke-kun's mom?

Me: *fireballs burn around the doctor's head* Em hem, I seem to have misheard you. The old age must be getting to the cotton stuffed Sasuke's in my ear. What was it again? Old age? Am I realllllyy that old?*Death grin*

Doctor: *apolaizes* ma'm... you're umm... husban-...*stops after seeing second death glare* (the glares are just like Gai's 7 gates, they get stronger and scarier.)

Me: What was that againnnnnnnn?

Sasuke:*Chuckles, grins ear off (like his ear acutely fell off) Happy to know he wasn't the one being chewed out*

Doctor: Anyway...*hesitating because trying to choose the correct words* you have been diagnosed with the deadly supreme stupidicus disease, called Devvy Prehny. It makes the user extremely stupid and body parts start falling off. Sometimes...

Sasuke: *raises eyebrow so hard, eyebrow falls off too*

Doctor: Of course... we have to stitch the eyebrow and ear back on... but that's easy. The only way to treat the disease is to...kiss the person that gave it to you!

Me:*chokes on water and spills all over iphone that has been playing on. Minion run is murdered by a cascade of breakfast.(see what happens?)* What the... actual heck!? ROAARRRRRR *the third death glare opens!*

Doctor: And that would be you miss... cause you pushed him down the... umm... rubber cliff...

Sasuke: KISS!? I would rather be infected with this disease all my life than kiss this rubbish!

Me: LIKE I WOULD WANNA KISS YOUR SHRIVELED UP LIPS! *Vampire teeth pop out*

Doctor: Well... miss-

Me: ARG! Let me kill the impudent little rat! How dare he say I'm rubbish!*pounds on Sasuke's back with pure fury... so hard a rib pops out*

Sasuke: MY BACK! MY BACK! *then realizes this makes no sense.(yea readers, pounding on your backbone can not trigger for a rib to pop out, which is on the other side of a human's body. However, such levels of stupidity has reached Sasuke, that this is very possible.)

Doctor: Calm down Miss, I just want to say-

Me: ARGG! DIE INA HOLE! *Pounds on Sasuke's head until tiny dime sized brain popped out*

Sasuke: *stares intently at the shrived lump of brain on my palm, momentarily surprised* MY BRAINNNNNNNNNNN!

Me: Not bad, at least you have one... *starting to fear Sasuke's fury.* Here you go... *tries to shove back into hole in Sasuke's head* But I still don't wanna kiss you!

Doctor: Miss... I've been trying to say this whole time... that this disease wears off in ten minutes. Kissing merely speeds up the process.

SASUKE AND I: DOUBLE DEATH GLARE ATTACK! *Doctor shrinks in fright and tip toes out the door*

DIEEEEEEEEEE... last word before Sasuke and I charge at each other.

**...**

**And done! How'd you like it? It was sorta weird at times... I bet Sasuke would appreciate all the reviews coming... so dont forget! The review button is right down there... Oh and, we can also be asked to preform at birthday parties with the actual Sasuke! Hope you had fun reading! Until next time.**

**-Naruto016**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! How's everyone been? :D Thanks for the review Fryvi, and Nonoka of Critics United, I understand your concern however it destroys the fun of reading if I advert it to story format. However, I will let the readers decide whether to change it or not so please either PM me or leave a review. For this chapter I will just write in script format.**** Once again, I appreciate you're concerns.  
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**...**

Sasuke: Oh, and we're here again huh? *growls at readers*

Me: Hey, hey, you are not allowed to do that! Come on, don't you like it when the sweet reviews start rolling in? *bats eyelashes*

Sasuke: Hmp! *turns away blushing*

Me: *Pears over rubber cliff* Nah, I'll be nice and I won't _personally_ shove you down the cliff. *Huge pineapple appears and Sasuke falls down in mere fright*

Sasuke: *falls in crowd of fangirls*

Fangirls: Saaaasssuukkkeee-samaaaaaaaaaa! (Eyes turn into hearts)

Me: *looks at Sasuke being trampled by fangirls and evil thought comes to mind* Sasuke! You are old enough to have a wife!

Sasuke: *huge watery eyes* But-tt Im onl-y 16...

Me: Like I care. *Drags up Sakura, Ino, Hinata, and Tenten*

Sasuke: What's up with the girls? Last time I checked Hinata liked Naruto and Tenten liked Lee.

Naruto: *eyes widen* SERIOUSLY MAN?

Me: *Shoves Naruto down cliff* Get out foxy, you're too distracting. *presses button and girls at bottom of cliff, automatically turn into Naruto fangirls*

Me: *Walks away*

Sasuke: Hey... what about my umm... wife? *blushes at Sakura*

Me: Die. *Death glare 1*

Sasuke: *meekly follows*

...

Me: *rides on a horse with two legs* Hurry up Horsey Kathy.

Sasuke: You named your stupid horse, "Kathy"?

Me: Yea, I agree about the stupidity part however, my horse can beat you in a race anytime! *horse glares at me and waves one of his front legs*

Sasuke: Umm... your horse... is... uhh crippled...

Me: Like I care! (New favorite thing to say) Run like the wind Horsey Kathy and show the measly little shrimp what we can do! *Horse tries to run only cause there's a juicy Sasuke eyeball dangling in front of his eyes but drags itself with only two front legs*

Sasuke: My Sharingannnnn! When did you steal it!? *Then discovers he can still see* He-hey... *stammers at own stupidly* That's Itachi's!

Itachi: *places foot on Sasuke's head* You will die little brother! Give me back my eyeeeeeeeee!

Me: Ooooh, this show is getting more and more interesting! *winks at Itachi*

Itachi: *gulp* Umm... Sasuke... whats that crazy lady doing with... my eye? Oh my gwad... she's eating it!

Me: *Quickly replaced Itachi's eye with an egg, knowing Itachi has bad eyesight* Chew chew, mmmmh.

Itachi: *walks off the rubber cliff* Oh kill me already. Tell me my mind is playing tricks on me...

Sasuke: You've gone a little overboard, I mean... eating his eye!?

Me: *stops in a midchew* Hmm? Would you like me to eat yours then?

Sasuke: Uhh... back off crazy lady.

Itachi: *drags himself back up the cliff* Sasuke, how did you even get associated with such a girl?!

Me: *raises eyebrows* What was that again Chi chi-kun? *Death glare 2*

Sasuke: Run for your lives everyone!

...

Me: Hmm, why are we sitting in the middle of a elementary classroom?

Sasuke: So you can admit your love to my brother openly.

Me: *picks nose* You have a brother? *glances around the room uncaring until gaze falls on Itachi* Oh, the weasel?

Itachi: *other eyeball falls out after seeing me again* Oh kill me already. *prays to the god of destroying annoying people*

God of annoying people: Itachi! You have called me to destroy the most annoinest person in this room... and that would be... Sasuke!

Itachi: Nooooo, my dear little bro-chan...

Sasuke: *floats into black hole* I'm dying... big... annoying... and... stupid... brother...

Me: Oh darn, seems like Sasuke has died... guess we'll have to end to for today. See you later readers!

Itachi: *sob sob sob sob sob*

**...**

**How was it everyone? A bit crazy of course, but eh. Sasuke's not gonna die for sure, just saying. And also, argg why am I being so mean to poor little Chi chi-chan... sighs. Oh and, I forgot to tell you, but we will be inviting a guest to this next chapter! Please PM or leave a review so I can decide with reader to put into my next chapter. Thanks! :D  
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**-Naruto016**


	3. Chapter 3

**Morning. *Yawn* Hmm... 8 reviews... not bad. MrGoodyTwoShoes, I understand all of that and has revived a few PMs on changing the format. **** Okay folks, I'll be changing the format a bit then. However, many other writers out there use this format too. As for ****Teoescana, I appreciate that you like reading it in script format so I will keep some parts of it. Hope you still equally enjoy it. :D**

**P.S: No matter what thoughts may be going around in your head, I is not mentally ill. :P**

**...**

Me, "Yo... and we're back again" *Mutters unhappily*

Sasuke, "Ha! You're not the one to say that! You know how unhappy I am right now?"

Me, "You died Mr. Idiot."

Sasuke, "Whatever." *Sees huge blanket covered machine rolling towards him*

Me, "Now, you might as well die again, so look at this brilliancy! This machine fossilizes you into a statue! I'd love to see your face shriveled in fright." *Machine starts to work*

Sasuke, "Gaaaahhh" *Then puts hand on butt, sticks it out, and other hand reached to the sky with his fat ugly lips dripping of saliva pointed towards Sakura.*

Me, "What in the world are you doin?"

Sasuke, "Well, this is where you see my smartness!" *eyes sparkling* "Ya know, might as well pose before I get turned into a statue." *blows kisses to imaginary audience*

Me, "You're so stupid...

Sasuke, "Ugh, you stupid witch, just turn this thing off!"

Me, "Did I hear you correctly Sasuke the stupid grandpa flea?"

Sasuke, "Oh yes you young ignorant brat!"

Me, "Young?! Im older than you!"

Sasuke, "Do you even know how to count?" *Eye twitches*

Me, "Oh whatever. Wanna go?"

Sasuke, *Obviously doesn't understand that when someone says "Wanna go" It means a challenge* "Umm... okay... where?"

Me, "Japan!"

Sasuke, "Nah, somewhere with good food."

Me, "Japan has good food... oh I know! Lets go to Italy!"

Sasuke, "Tomatoes..."

Me, "Pasta..."

Sasuke, "Tomatoes..."

Me, "Pasta..."

Sasuke, "Tomatoes..."

Me, "Pasta..."

...

(I will be introducing our guest, who claims he is not mentally insane... but who knows. Welcome the stupidest of all stupid animals...Kiki the Pig! (Not indicating that pigs are stupid)

_In Italy..._

Me, "Sasukeeee... look at all that... Paaasssstttaaaaaaaaaaaaaa." *Drools all over Sasuke like waterfall*

Sasuke, *Wipes off spit* "Nooo... you must look at that... Tomato heaven!"

_Both idiots run for food, temperately forgetting about their hatred towards each other._

Announcer, "Woah! Two champions! Look!" *Points towards Sasuke* "This young man has beaten his 99th opponent in the contest of drinking tomato wine!"

Sasuke, "Buuurrrrpppp" *Face is all red*

Announcer, "And look at this young lady! Eating over 120 plates of pasta!" *A cook falls to the floor* "She beat the cook!"

Me, "Eh heh heh heh Boosh blop rahs hidsa Blehhhhhhhhhhh!" *Eyes roll to back of head*

Sasuke, *Looks at the direction I'm pointing in*

Announcer, "GAAAHHH! EVIL PORK!" *Everyone runs for exit"

Me, "MEAT! COME BACK HERE YOU BACON!" *Runs after Kiki the Pig"

Kiki the Pig, "Oink" Translated to: Pasta and Tomatoes, here I come! *Dives for restaurant*

Sasuke, "BACON!"

Me, "PLUMP JUICY FRIED PORK!"

Sasuke, "STUFFED PORK..."

Me, "DEEP FRIED BACON SOUP..."

Sasuke and I, Drool drips and floods the restaurant.

...

Later in the day...

Sasuke, "Oh how wonderful... oh how much I love Italy... and this fried pork in front of me."

Me, "Yea... how nice...

Yup, and that's us. Me and Sasuke. Sitting in the middle of nowhere roasting the poor pig's butt.

...

**Here ya go! How'd u like it? I liked the pasta part. :D I'm debating whether to have another Naruto Character join us or not... hmm...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Blue eyes, I'm warning you, If you have no respect, then dont read it. I've had years of experience on this thing and dealed with countless rude people like you. I can write it anyway I want so bug off. There are plenty authors out there that do this. Okay, sorry other peeps. Once again, I wrote this story for the smile on you guys faces so please enjoy this one. Merry Late Christmas! ^.-  
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**...**

Sasuke, "Ugh... I have to work on Christmas?"

Me, "Yea dope... for the reviews." *Scratches head, not seeming to remember that Christmas was a long time ago*

Sasuke, "I'm too stuffed from that Christmas turkey." *Moans*

Me, "Whatever. Where do you wanna go today?"

Sasuke, "Antarctica."

Me, "Why?"

Sasuke, "Have you ever tasted a fried penguin? I hear they are delicious."

Me, "Fineeeeeee, I guess its worth it plus Itachi might be there..." *Grins evilly*

...

_The north pole..._

Sasuke, "Antarctica, here I come!...hey wait... why are there polar bears here?!"

Me, *winks sheepishly* "Woops, sorry, this isn't the south pole... go have a fried polar bear or something..."

Sasuke, "Very well, but when I get stuffed with these yellow furred animals, you better remind me to kill you."

Me, "Yea, like which idiot would do that... oh looky! Its Chi chi-san!"

_One hour later..._

Me, "Hey Fatty... can we go back now?" *Teeth frozen into icicles*

Sasuke, "Yea... that would b-be a gr-great idea." *His snot is freezing and boogers hanging on the snot icicles*

Me, "Did you get to eat any polar bears?" *shivers and face turns bright purple*

Sasuke, "Uhh... Heh heh.." *Remembers how he hunted for the bears and instead, they ate him*

Itachi, "You guys are so stupid." *Throws coats at us while his own hair is sticking straight up from the cold.*

Me, *By the time it flew towards me, it froze and shattered as it hit the ground* "Aw, I'm freezing..."

Sasuke, "Hey... I see some houses over there... are we really that stupid or..." *Eyeball pops out from the socket, freezes, and shatters*

Me, "Oh my god, you guys are such idiots!" *Dashes towards house, accidentally steps on Itachi's face causing teeth to all fall out*

Itachi, "And you're not?" *mumbles as lips shrivel up from the cold* "Its all your fault I'm toothless and lipless"

...

Me, *Sips hot chocolate* "Ahhhhh."

Itachi, *Tries to sip hot chocolate* "Darn, I can't even drink hot chocolate with these lips of mine"

Me, *Raises an eyebrow* "Horsey Kathyyy!"

Horse, *Runs and leaps on Itachi, then kisses the poor guy*

Itachi, "Wah!" *Then realizes lips are growing back. "Oh than- What the actual heck?!" *Lips began to grow puffier and bigger*

Me, "Fat lips attack." *Notices Sasuke is running out of the bathroom screaming at top of lungs*

Sasuke, "THE STINKIN TOILET IS HAUNTED!"

Housekeeper, "Oh sorry dear, that must be our pet walrus. He loves hiding in the toilet to surprise guests." *As if on cue, the walrus dances out of the bathroom covered in toilet paper and a brown substance*

Itachi, "Oooooh, is that c-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e...?" *Reaches out with finger*

Sasuke, "Nooooo, thats mine!" *Licks finger with brown stuff* "Ewwww! You tricked me! Its pooooooooooooppppp."

Itachi, *Grabs bowl, puts poop into it, puts in microwave, takes out, gives to Sasuke.* "Its fudge."

Me, *Wonders if Sasuke will fall for it*

Sasuke, "Ooooooh!" *Dumps whole bowl into mouth.* "Ewwwwwwww! You tricked me again!?"

Housekeeper, "Umm, is he mentally ill? If he is... I have medicine...We get people like this at our house often." *Winks*

Me, "Oh yes please, our friend is gravely ill."

Housekeeper, *Picks up some poop and drops in a bottle, then gives to Sasuke.* "Here's some medicine."

Sasuke, "Aw thanks." *Sips and eats all of it* "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Itachi... this...must...have...been...your...plan..." *Dies*

Me, *Is currently dancing around gleefully* "Ya hoooooooooooo!"

**...**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey. Im so bored these days. Hmm, maybe I should start working on the other stories, any requests? Enjoy this chap for now. :P  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or annoying little Sasuke-kun.**

**...**

Me, "Hey, welcome back everyone!" *Yawns*

Sasuke, "Oh come on, why always me?"

Me, "Because you kill poor Itachi and rip your clothes to show your ugly muscles like an idiot." *Covers mouth* "Woopises, that was not the future, I was joking."

Sasuke, "Huh!? YAHOO! Itachi dies!" *Dances around like an idiot but accidentally dances into a pool of water that turns into a black hole.* "Waaaaahhh"

Me, "Serves you right idiot."

Sasuke, *Calls from black hole/pool* "Hey, do I grow those handsomely cool muscles?"

Me, "No, in fact, they look like a deflated balloon."

Sasuke, "Aw darn... I wanted to show off in front of Naruto-kun." *Covers mouth* "Umm... Umm... I meant Sakura-chan."

Me, *SQUEALS HEAD OFF then runs to tell Naruto*

Sasuke, "Curses, that girl really had it all on tape..."

...

Me, "Horsey Kathy!" *Horse runs over* "Go kick Sasuke."

Sasuke, "Hey Hey... why me?" *Dodges kick and tries to punch Horsey Kathy except fails because his muscles look like a dog chewed on them.*

Me, "That's my horse! Now stick those bushy Lee eyebrows onto him!"

Sasuke, "Huh? What are these?" *Touches eyebrows to find huge hairy ones instead* "WAH! I can't pull them off!"

Me, "Now now, be a good horse and get me the super sticky eyebrow remover tape." *Evil laugh*

Sasuke, "Oh no, my poor babies... how will I raise my eyebrows at all my fangirls?" *Sobs*

Me, *Holds up tape and grins so widely all teeth fall off* "Oh my teeth..." *Glues them back on*

Sasuke, "Huh? You can do that?" *Pulls off own teeth and tries to glue them back on*

Me, "Hold him down Kathy!" *Sticks piece of tape on eyebrows*

Sasuke, "What do I have to be afraid of? They are stick on ones anyway." *Grins gleefully*

Me, " My dear stupidest idiot, I have connected your nerves with the ones on the eyebrow hairs." *Holds up package*

Sasuke, "Huh?" *Reads package: Eyebrows that stay on forever! Nerves are connected!* "Oh... yikes..."

Me, "CHA!" *Rips off tape with all of eyebrow hairs*

Sasuke, "WAHHHHHHHHHHH." *Tears streaming down* "Puwease... stop this torture... I thought it was mental... at first... but now... its physical too?!"

Me, "Of course." *Does Gai sensei wink*

Sasuke, "Then last resort... we must fight! Great Fireball Jutsu!" *Blows fire*

Me, "Oh darling, you're scaring the audience. Please refrain from making my eyebrows fall off too." *Does same thing on other eyebrow.*

Sasuke, "YOUCH!" *Sobs even more.* "I didn't wanna be... someone with no eyebrow... and no teeth! Sharingan!"

Me, "Fine, lets get this battle going. Ive waited long enough..." *Weaves hand signs* "Eyebrow style! Flying eyebrow attack!"

Sasuke, "Waahhh?" *Sees eyebrows floating towards him*

Eyebrows, "Oh Sasuke-kun, wanna fly off into the sunset with us?"

Sasuke, *Running away from eyebrows* "Weirdest Jutsu ever, well... the harem one is still the weirdest."

Me, *Growls* "Oh yea?! Harem Eyebrow Justu!"

Sasuke, *Sees eyebrows using harem jutsu* (Basically just Lee dressed as a girl) "Oh man... that is creepy." *Runs for life*

Me, "Hahahaha! Cower beneath my awesomeness!"

Sasuke, *Falls off rubber cliff again.* "At least my fangirls will catch me."

Me, "Oh yea?" *Presses button, Itachi appears at the bottom.*

Itachi, "Hey... where am I? One second ago... I was playing with my rubber ducky... and... SASUKE!" *Eye grow wide.*

Sasuke, "Die big brother!"

Itachi, "I got him, I got him." *Runs around idiotically but Sasuke falls and faceplants.*

Me, "Uh huh... you Uchiha brothers are the funniest pair ever..."

Itachi, "Die! SHARINGAN!"

Me, "And here we go again. Frying Eyebrows!"

Sasuke, "Frying?"

Me, "Got a problem with that emo?"

**...**

**And... thats it! I got a nice review, thanks! :D**

**-Naruto016**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi. Yawn, Im so bored. But at least I can get back to writing fanfiction. These will be a bit shorter, but I'll publish more chapters at a time.  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own any Naruto characters and all the voice actors I mention in here are not insulting at all. And if it is, feel free to review.**

**...**

Sasuke, "Uh huh? And we're back to this now?"

Me, "Yea dope, what did you think?" *Yawns*

Sasuke, "Nothing. Oh, I heard you and Itachi got into some type of fight." *Winks*

Me, "Ah ha ha... CURSE THAT ITACHI!" *Eyes snap open and glares at Sasuke who trembles in fear* "Do not speak of that unsophisticated moron."

Sasuke, "Oh yea goddess." *Sarcastic as ever.*

Me, "Go die in a hole." *Shoves Sasuke to the bottom of the earth, then forgets the earth is round so Sasuke falls out through the other side.* "Woopsies. I've decided to go to Japan today and see the origins of your idiocy."

Sasuke, "At least help me out!" *Floats in outer space*

...

_In Japan,_

Me, "Hey, isn't that a contest or whatever?" *Squints* "Erm... Beat up fish cake in noodles slurping contest?"

Sasuke, "You need glasses idiot." *Squints* "Umm... Meat mop naruto on goodles ateing conquest?"

Me, "Yea right, you have dyslexia."

Tourist, "Beat Naruto in a ramen eating contest."

Me, "Oh thanks, my idiotic acquaintance here can not seem to read well enough."

Tourist, "Oh, thats okay. By the way, when they say Naruto, I suspect its his voice actor. At least you get to meet Sasuke's too."

Sasuke, "I already have my own stinking voice. I don't need a stupid voice actor." *lashes out like dog*

Me, *Puts Sasuke on leash* "Oh sorry about that." *Tourist is scared to death and runs away screaming* "Oh look at what you've done."

Sasuke, "I will find out who's the fraud!"

Me, "Oh shut up." *Pats head* "Be a dog for now so we can sneak past the guards."

...

Me, *Squeal!* "There she is! Maile Flanagan! Your beloved Naruto's voice actor!"

Sasuke, "Huh? Naruto's a girl?"

Me, "Idiot, show some respect."

Flanagan, "Welcome to the Naruto eating contest! Beat me at eating ramen and win a visit to Yuri, Sasuke-kun's voice actor!"

Sasuke, *Chews on leash* "Get this silencer off me you wrench!" *Voice is too small to be heard.*

Me, *Looks at him over all the screaming* "What did you say?"

Flanagan, "Now now, anyone brave enough to volunteer?"

Me, "Sasuke! This is your big chance to meet Yuri, your english voice actor!" *Dresses him up with beard and hat* "Go on up!"

Sasuke, "With the both of us, we'd better win."

Flanagan, "Ooooh, a young girl and an old man participating?!"

Random participate, "You are going down girl."

Me, "Yea right. Miss? Is there tomato flavored ramen?"

Flanagan, "You bet! Now, you may pair up with another participate if you like. To sucesfully finish one serving of ramen is to eat a large bowl, and drink two cups of whatever drink you chose. Now go ahead and start eating!"

Me, "Sasuke, I don't care if you get drunk but start shoving all that tomato wine/juice down your throat." *Grins crookedly.*

Another random participate, "You are so gonna fail- Oh my god, is that Sasuke Uchiha?" *Rips off beard*

Me, *Eats bowl after bowl cause all attention is on Sasuke.* "Mmmm, kut tat bead back on!"

Sasuke, *Gugg, gugg, gug.* "Nah use, pay al meady know."

Everyone stops eating to look at the real Sasuke.

Flanagan, "Its really Sasuke... in the flesh and bone... Well, seems we have an unexpected guess! Lets see if anyone can beat Sasuke and his friend here-"

Me, "Oh, shut up. I am not Sasuke's friend. I am too good for that measly little weirdo." *Pauses to take a big breath before continuing to eat.*

Fangirls, "SAAASSSUKKEE-KUNNNN!"

Sasuke, "I'm going deaf with all this screaming."

Me, "Good, now shut up and drink."

...

Flanagan, "Now, we have two teams tied for first place. First, Sasuke Uchiha and his lovey Miss-"

Me, "Ugh, Shik is okay."

Flanagan, "Miss Shik! Then, another unexpected visitor... Itachi Uchiha and Neji Hyuuga! Both tied for eating 759 servings of ramen!"

Me, *Pukes* "ITACHI YOU IDIOT! WHY'D YOU SHOW YOUR SORRY LITTLE FACE OVER HERE?!"

Sasuke, *Paws the ground like angry horse* "Neji Hyuuga... Itachi Uchiha... both of you can die. *Looks at me.* "Alliance Shikia?"

Me, "Deal."

_**Everything is total chaos but nobody ends up dying. Yay-boo... Die Sasukeee...**_

Flanagan, "Looks like Itachi's team forfeited." *Gestures to Itachi lying on the floor with a hue black eye, all his teeth knocked out, and bushy eyebrows. Then Neji lying next to him with no hair, and tears streaming down his face.*

Me, "Lovely, Lovely." *Smiles at Sasuke then wacks him over the head.*

Sasuke, *Tons of scratches* "Idiot, its all your fault cause everytime they tried to hit you, you just hid behind me." *Falls to the ground*

Me, "Yea, protect a lady won't you? Now I can finally meet Yuri..." *Catches Sasuke as he falls* "We'll be going now. Please delete all footage you got."

Fangirls, "GIVE SASUKE BACK!"

Me, "Nah, I'm enjoying this." *Takes out black sharpie* "Until next time folks!"

**...**

**Not as crazy as the ones before but I really enjoyed writing this one. :D I think I'm starting to gain back the respect for Sasuke. However, I despise him in naruto shippuden without a shirt. Ugh. Until next time! And her name is Shik. She doesn't like Shikia.**

**-Naruto016**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hola. I've been reading my own fanfictions lately and I've realized that like half of them don't make sense. Lol.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I do not own any Naruto characters or any of their voice actors.**

**...**

Me, "Ah ha ha! We are finally at Yuri-san's house!" *Driving horribly and crashes into everything*

Sasuke, "Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god. I am going to die today." *Head had already slammed into window at least 10 times*

Me, *Runs into Yuri's garden.* "Woopsies, sorry about that. Sasuke will clean it up." *Walks up professionally and rings doorbell while dragging Sasuke by the ear."

Lowenthal, "Oh hi, you must be Miss Shikia and SASUKE?!" *Leans out the door to get good look at Sasuke***  
><strong>

Sasuke, "Yea fraud, got a problem?" *Gets hit on head by me*

Me, "Show some respect pipsqueak. Oh hi Mr. Lowenthal." *Puts on best smile*

Lowenthal, "Its- Its... Sasuke in the flesh?! That's brilliant! We have the exact same voices!"

Sasuke, *Mutters in Japanese* "Anata wa meiwakudesu, now we don't." **(Translated into, "You are annoying.")**

Me, *Wacks Sasuke so hard head is starting to fall off* "Eh hem, I'm very sorry for this nuisance here." *Hits one more time. Head falls off.*

Sasuke, "Waahhhhh!" *Me quickly arranged head and sticks it back onto neck*

Lowenthal, "Oh my god... this is... the best day of my life! Come on in Sasuke and Shikia!"

Me, *Squeals head off and enters while dragging Sasuke on a dog leash* "Oh! And that's... Kate Higgins!" *Squeals head off one more time.*

Sasuke, "Sa-sakura?"

Me, "Yea, your future wife man."

Higgins, "Oh, its Sasuke- SASUKE?!"

Sasuke, "I'm getting tired of this reaction." *Kate bends down to hug Sasuke* "Am I really that short?"

Me, "Yea, even I'm taller than you."

Sasuke, "By AN inch." *Stands on tipsy toes*

Lowenthal, "Feel free to eat anything you want, and Sasuke, tell me some things about yourself." *Table is piled with deserts, sweets, and tomatoes!*

Sasuke and I, *Dive for Tomatoes!*

Me, "Yomatoes arf lof, Momatoes arf life."

Sasuke, "Hey Lofentail, haf anyfore Fomatoes?"

Higgins, "Please don't talk while eating."

Me, "Ah, sorry." *Wipes mouth and duck tapes Sasuke's mouth while continue to swallow all the food.*

Sasuke, "Murf, murf!"

Me, "You sound like a walrus, now shut up." *Gestures towards Lowenthal to continue*

Lowenthal, "Erm, tell us about yourself."

Me, "I'm gorgeous, I'm brilliant, and I'm the best. Oh and, I hate Sasuke."

Sasuke, "She's ugly, she's irritating, and she's stupid. Oh and, I hate her."

Higgins, "Umm... okay... But its sure nice to meet you Sasuke-sama!"

Sasuke, "Heard that idiot?"

Me, "Eh hem , if you haven't noticed, I'm also a person!"

Higgins, "Uhh, sorry Shikia-hime."

Me, "Seeee?"

Lowenthal, "So, how'd you guys even come here?"

Sasuke, "We just did." *Tries to peel off duck tape that prevents him from eating all the juicy tomatoes vanishing down my throat.*

Me, *Swallows tomato after tomato* "Uhh, well, so... this dope here, happened to want to compete with you or something."

Sasuke, "Yea, cause you're the fraud. I'm the real Sasuke!"

Lowenthal, "Nah, I am."

Me, "Okay, okay. Challenge accepted for both of you. We are playing truth or dare."

Sasuke and Lowenthal, "Whaaaaa?!"

Me, "I call going first. I dare Sasuke to stay in a closet with Yuri-san for 7 minutes."

Higgins, "Sounds great, lets go take a nap while they do that." *Sasuke and Lowenthal grumble and enter closet.*

Me, *Places sound projector* "Hmmm, I sure wonder whats going on in there." *Winks at Kate*

Higgins, *Weird noises* "Umm, if you will excuse me..." *Grabs ear plugs*

_After 7 minutes,_

Me, "So, what did you do? Spill." *After seeing Sasuke and Lowenthal coming out flustered*

Sasuke, "Nothing idiot... my turn." *Grins evily* "Truth or Dare Shik?"

Me, "Dare duh, I'm way braver than you guys."

Sasuke, *Lowenthal leans in and whispers, both exchange evil grins* "I dare you and Kate-chan to have a contest to see who can steal a kiss from Itachi first!"

Higgins, "Why me?" *I puke in background*

Lowenthal,"Cause Freeman isn't here so you can't go crush on him, plus, the real Itachi is here right now." *Shakes open bag of Pocky.*

Itachi, "Mineeeee." *Rushes in only to run into frying pan in my hand*

Me, "Suck it up girl. And bring it on Kate!" *Weaves hand signs* "Love Style, Kissy Kissy Lips Attack!" *Lips appear and chase Itachi*

Itachi, "Waaahh, what's going on Sasuke?"

Sasuke, "Kate-chan and Shik both have a mad crush on you, deal with it."

Higgins and I, "Noo way!" *both blush after saying, then tackles Itachi*

Me, "Let's get this over with." *Leans in...*

Sasuke, "Anddddddddd" *sounds like announcer*

Me, "OH SHUT UP ALREADY AND CATHERINE HIGGINS, REMOVE THAT TAPE RECORDER THIS VERY INSTANT."

Higgins, "Yikes, how do you know my real name?"

Me, "FIGURE IT OUT." *Takes out wood panel to block outsiders* "Done and done."

Itachi, "Gurl, that was harsh!"

Me, "Yeah right, like I'd ever really kiss you idiot!"

Others, *Wondering, did they kiss or not?*

**...**

**Who wants to know what happens and if they really kissed? :D Not telling. Please review so Sasuke can quit complaining! **

**-Naruto016**


	8. Chapter 8

**Konichiwa! I'll promise you one thing. I'll make the best chap when Sasuke's birthday rolls around, :D, this is not a love/yaoi fanfic, its meant to be humorous. XD.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I have no intention of taking over 's manga and dealing with Salad, Sasuke and Sakura's daughter. **

**...**

Sasuke, "Uhh, did you just kiss Itachi?" *Bit flustered*

Itachi, *Dances around like idiot* "Pay up Sasuke! I got kissed before your sorry little face!"

Sasuke, *Mumbles* "Fine."

Me, "Idiots, Kate-chan's turn! Truth or dare?"

Higgins, "After seeing that, truth for sure."

Me, "Would you rather spend 1 hour in a room with Sasuke, or with Yuri. You stay in there until you kiss, even if its longer than an hour."

Lowenthal and Sasuke, "Waaaaaa?!"

Higgins, "Uhh, uhh, Sasuke-kun." *Imitating Sakura's voice*

Me, "Wonderful, wonderful."

Sasuke, "You're the girl that just kissed Itachi so shut up."

Me, "Oh dear, its almost the time for our airplane to leave. Thank you for your hospitality, this stringy poop haired guy will be leaving now." *Flies out a window*

Sasuke, "How'd you do that?"

Me, "Magic dope."

...

Sasuke, "What the actual heck happened to our house/studio for recording..." *It has been toilet papered from the outside.*

Me, "Whoever did this will die a miserable death." *Marches inside to see all furniture turned over, food spilled all over the ground, and it stunk terribly*

Sasuke, "Oh no, my tomatoes..." *Cures in circle and cries eyes out*

Me, *Grabs Sasuke by ear* "Come on, I swear, this is against the law."

Sasuke, "Sorry but there's no such law in the ninja world. :D"

Me, "Shut yer trap dope." *Drags him up the stairs, he bumps on the stairs and hits his head over and over again.*

Sasuke, "Ouchie, I got a concussion."

Me, *Kicks door to my room open* "OH MY STINKIN GOD, WHAT HAPPENED TO JUSTICE...AND MY ROOM?!" *Hidan's dressing up in my prom clothes and admiring himself in mirror, Zetsu's eating my bed, Itachi's picking his nose and sticking the boogers on Kisame who's running around like an idiot screaming, "Itachi's the king of sushi!" Kakuzu's throwing clothes all over the room in an apparent search for money. Pein's doing cartwheels and Konan ripped up all my homework. Sasori's chewing on my Halloween candy while Tobi is licking the room thinking its a lolipop. *

Sasuke, "Uhhhh, what the..."

Me, *Marches over to bed, drags it out of Zetsu's mouth and grabs sledge hammer out of the bottom.* "Die, you insolent idiots!"

Itachi, "Woah girl, lets talk this-" *Gets cut off because scissors come flying across the room and shaving him bald.* **(Yes, I understand scissors cant shave)**

Me, "All done." *All Akatsuki members are traumatized for life and tied up in a corner*

Sasuke, *Peers over shoulder* "Uhh, was that a bit too violent?"

Me, "Ah, if you think so, go take a look at your room."

Sasuke, *Walks a away...a moment later...* "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Me, "Told ja idiot."

Sasuke, "My... all... all the tomato sculptures of my awesomeness have been eaten and destroyed!" *Curse mark activates*

Me, "Go Sasukeeee go boy!" *Unleashes Sasuke like a bull*

Sasuke, "Why are you treating me like this?"

Me, "Go kill them and shut up cause animals don't talk."

Sasuke, *Charges*

Kisame, "Ahh, turn me into a fish stick instead!"

Me, "Shut up seafood, I'll make sure to feed you to Zetsu after this."

Hidan, "What the-"

Me, "If I hear you curse one more time that head of yours will be flushed down the toilet faster than you can blink."

Hidan, "Yes Miss..."

All akatsuki members die, bwa ha ha...

**...**

**Don don don! I'll make sure they will suffer horribly, starting with the idiot Itachi...**

**-Naruto016**


	9. Chapter 9

**Welcome back folks. I always get excited when writing about the akatsuki. :D  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I would do anything to get my hands on Naruto right now and kill Sasuke in the sequel. :P**

**...**

Sasuke, "Itachi, die!" *Chidori*

Me, "Wonderful!" *Sprays of red liquid stain the air*

Itachi, "Ack" *Cough cough* "You made me puke up all that delicious tomato juice."

Me, *Squints* "Tomato... you... you..." *Runs to secret hiding spot in garden for the world's largest tomato(About the size of your bed)* "I-T-A-C-H-I!"

Itachi, "Hmm?" *Gets slaughtered*

Other Akatsuki, *Whispering* "Itachi... got... murdered... by... her?"

Me, *Crooked evil grin* "Who's next?"

Sasuke, "I call barbie! I kill him anyways." *Takes a step towards Deidara.*

Me, "Fine, then my second favorite character after Itachi... the airhead..."

Hidan, "Oh ye gods... I f-"

Me, "Heh, did you just curse?" *Evil grinning face*

Hidan, *Squeals like a pig* "Nope!"

Me, "All done." *Hidan tied up in corner with duct tape all over his mouth*

Sasuke, *"He's a Barbie Girl" is all shaved clean and thrown out of window*

Me, "Heh heh. Time for you. Fish Boy. Let me call my crazy and idiotic friend over shall I?"

Sasuke, "Oh….. her…." *Hides under bed* "'Anyone but her…."

Me, "Its alright, she'll kill you along with rest of the Akatsuki."

Sasuke, *Whimpers*

Me, "NERODORA THE EXPLORER!" *Computer flips open and out of the screen jumps Nerodora dressed like Dora the Explorer.*

Nerodora, "OH MY GUAD, LONG TIME NO SEE IDIOTS!" *Hugs Sasuke instantly choking him*

Me, "Hey, I have a request."

Nerodora, "JUST A STINKIN SEC, WHEN DID YOU HAVE THE PERSIMMON TO ASK ME GIVE ME A REQUEST?"

Me, "Eh…. by the way….. I know you love fruits and constantly have an urge to replace words with them….. but refrain yourself please."

Sasuke, "This is exactly why my life is ruined every time she comes over."

Nerodora, "OH YEAH? MY DEAR SASUKE-SAMAAAAAA!"

Me, "She likes you now? Thats a change. Last time I checked, she had a crush on Horsey Kathy."

Nerodora, *Snuggling Sasuke then kicks him into the ceiling all of a sudden. Pounces on bald Dei dei-chan* "APPLES! WHAT IS WATERMELON WITH THE NAKED MOLERAT WHO LOOKS LIKE A SQUASHED BLONDE PIGEON?"

Me, "Uhh, poor Deidara…."

Sasuke, "You meant Barbie right?"

Nerodora, "NOPE! SHUT UP DUCK BUTT HAIR DUDE WITH AN EMO SMIRK ON YOUR FACE. I WILL PUKE ALL OVER YOU IF BANANA DARE INSULT ME."

Sasuke, "Yes m'am."

Me, "I'm enjoying this."

Nerodora, "YOU BETTER BE STRAWBERRY BECAUSE I'M GONNA KILL SHARKY NEXT." *Pounces on Kisame*

Kisame, "AHHHHH-" *Nerodora already murdered him*

Me, "Ooooh, ouch. I'll let you do the killing for all the people."

Nerodora, "WHO'S NEXT?!" *Eyes focus on Kakuzu* "ARRRRHHH!"

Kakuzu, "Wait…. I request some money first before you kill me. My bank is in the Akatsuki hideout. The combination is…."

*Everyone leans in to hear(By that, I meant everyone still alive)*

Kakuzu, "Not telling. Just leave it outside."

Nerodora, "YOU DARE GIVE ME A REQUEST?! DIE IN A HOLE SHRIMP!"

Kakuzu, "I'm taller than you."

Nerodora, "ARRGGG!"

Me, "Am I the only one enjoying this?"

Nerodora, *Turns around and pounces on me*

Me, "Ahhhhhhh!" *Runs to my dresser and grabs comb. Points it at Nerodora like weapon.*

Nerodora, "HELP!" *Curls into ball*

Kakuzu, "What's wrong with her?"

Me, "She's paranoid that a porcupine's gonna climb out and carry her home to marry her."

Sasuke, *Nod nod* "That is exactly why I hate that girl. She's so stupid though." *laughs like an idiot*

Me, "Alright, lights out. I wanna go sleep now."

Sasuke, "Its the middle of the day."

Me, "Will you just shut up? If my parents come home and see all this blood, they'll make me clean it up so its best to pretend you're asleep." *Curls up on soft bouncy king sized bed*

Sasuke, "You are scary." *Grabs pillow, puts it in middle of the lake of blood and falls asleep.*

Itachi, *Climbs onto Sasuke's pillow*

Sasuke, "AHHHH! I thought you were dead!"

Itachi, "Want me to go sleep with Nerodora or Shik instead?"

Sasuke, "No, now shut up." *Kicks Itachi into lake of blood*

Itachi, *Drowns*

Me, *Mumbling in sleep* "Yay….. Itachi drowned. Now Sasuke can go do mouth to mouth with him. Ah ha ha…. then they can sleep together."

Sasuke, "Is it just me or is that girl plain old crazy…..?"

Other members, "Agreed. She's just….. a girl."

Konan, *Kicks all of them* "Shut up!"

Pein, "You're a woman."

Konan, "Uh, even grosser."


	10. Chapter 10

**Hai! Long time no see. Haha, not really. I'll be changing Nerodora's name for this one because eh hem, a certain person is furious. She will not be showing up in later chapters unless that person gets on her knees and then prays+worships me everynight. :P**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Nerodora. :D**

…

Me, "What the f…..!" *Finds bed floating in water*

Sasuke, "Hmm?" *Still sleeping*

Me, "AHHHH! COME AND SAVE ME! HELP! HELP!" *All akatsuki wake up to find themselves sleeping on something floating in water (Yes, even the dead ones)*

Sasuke, "Waaaa?! What happened?" *Wakes up to find Itachi drooling over his feet* "Ahhh Itachi!"

Itachi, "Wut?" *Wakes up finally and wipes drool* "I was eating a nice footsteak."

Sasuke, "My FOOT!"

Me, "EXCUSE ME BUT I'M DYING OVER HERE!" *Everyone turns around to see me sitting in the center of the bed.*

Itachi, "What? You are afraid of water?"

Me, "NO!" *Points to a sleeping Hidan unconsciously trying to kiss me*

Itachi, "Ah….. Uhh, why is he doing that?"

Me, *Sticks stinky sock into Hidan's mouth* "YOU THINK I KNOW?!"

Sasuke, "Just leave her be. Her philophobia is incurable."

Me, "SHUT UP SASUKE!"

Kisame, "Seriously? And you kissed Itachi?"

Itachi, *Raises hand quietly* "She didn't kiss me. She cut off my lips and put a finger on her lip, then she touched the cut off ones."

Me, "YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM. I DON'T WANNA STINKINLY PAY MONEY TO PEOPLE FOR NOT COMPLETING THAT DARE!"

Itachi, "And, I had to get surgery."

Me, "HELP...HELp...HElp... Help… help…" *Continues to throw sock after sock into Hidan's mouth until finally he ate my shoes*

Sasuke, "Just wake him up."

Me, "Oh, good idea.'

Sasuke, "Idiot"

Me, "Dope"

Sasuke, "Dunderhead."

Me, "Stupid."

Sasuke, "Dodo."

Me, "Dodo bird….. HAH!"

Sasuke, "...TROPICAL dodo bird."

Me, "Hmp… NEON TROPICAL DODO BIRD."

Sasuke, "Neon tropical dodo bird eating pasta."

Me, "Do you know how stupid you sound?"

Sasuke, *Dances in circle* "You lost, you lost." *sings*

Me, *Tears off Sasuke's tongue* "All done. Lets continue."

…

Sasuke, "Eh EH EH MEH GEH EH EH JEH EH."

Me, "Nobody knows what you're saying plus, technically, haven't you bled to death already?"

Sasuke, "Neh, hehashe eh ehhem."

Me, "Huh?" *Glues tongue back on*

Sasuke, "BECAUSE I'M AWESOME."

Me, *Snips it off* "Alright, shut yer mouth. Nobody wants to hear you yap."

Sasuke, "Er Er Hahist"

Me, "I am not racist."

Sasuke, "Heh Hem me."

Me, "How do I judge you?"

Sasuke, "Hehause eh es eft heneha."

Me, "Exactly, you left Konoha is an excuse for me to judge you."

Sasuke, "Ho Hut Mup."

Me, "I will not shut up."

Sasuke, "Hen eh hev meh hung?"

Me, "No you may not." *Holds tongue in front of face and teases him*

Sasuke, *Sobs a waterfall*

Itachi, "Whats up?"

Me, "Sasuke lost his tongue."

Sasuke, "Heh hol het." (You stole it)

Me, "Hmm? Oh, lets ignore him shall we?" *Flashes evil grin as walks off with Itachi.*

Itachi, "Wanna go to a fancy restaurant with me? I got free coupons."

Me, "Of course, as long as you're paying the rest." *Sweet smile*

Itachi, "Yeah, now go find something to wear."

Me, "Buy me something to wear." *Mutters rest under breath* "Something expensive so I can sell it later."

Sasuke, "Hoor Hihahi! Hun hahay hum her!" (Poor Itachi, run away from her!)

Itachi, "Hmm?"

Me, "Nothing." *Shoves Itachi out of door* "Die Sasukeeeee!"

**...**

**I'm not in a mood to write more today. See you later and yes, crazy things will happen in the next chap. **

**-Naruto016**


	11. Chapter 11

**And…. I'm back! Alrighty! 18 reviews! Mighty thanks guys! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and I would like my friend the topical dodo bird to die her hair neon red. :P**

**..**

Me, "All done!" *Dressed in fancy light blue evening gown. Sparkles line the edges and dark blue trims.*

Itachi, "I thought you had dirty blonde hair. How come its dark brown now?"

Me, "Hair spray dope."

Itachi, "Huh?"

Me, "Ah, I forgot. Konoha is too low in technology."

Itachi, "Honey….."

Me, "Call me that and die."

Itachi, "Wasn't talking to you dope. I brought my girlfriend." *Leans in and whispers* "For tonight…"

Itachi's Girlfriend, "Yes darling, who is this little rat in the ugly shower towel?"

Me, "OH JUST YOU WAIT." *Bares fangs*

Itachi, "Nah, she's going out with my little bro. Nothing to worry about."

Me, "YEAH, YOU OLD TWO TIMER!"

Itachi's Girlfriend, "Yeah yeah, I should use soap to wash out her mouth."

Me, "AND I'LL PUT SOAP IN YOUR EYE SO YOU CAN SEE MY BEAUTY. FATTY!"

Itachi, "Shik, just so you're aware, her name's Karin."

Me, "Karin my butt, why should I care what she's called- WAIT WHAT!?" *Gets better glance and truly she had red hair.*

Karin, "Got a problem ugly brown haired girl?"

Me, "Quit being racist…. oh, I thought you dated Sasuke though?"

Karin, "You are waaaaay to late to realize things, I bet your social status is T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E."

Itachi, "They broke up last month."

Me, "Huh, alright girl. Just you wait until I totally beat you at ninja arts.

Karin, "In your dreams pipsqueak."

Me, "I'm taller than you."

Karin, "My bad." *Snickers*

…

Sasuke, "Alrighty, why am I in a dress suit?"

Itachi, "You're Princess Shikia-sama's date for tonight."

Sasuke, "WHAT?!"

Itachi, "Little brother,... you finally got a girlfriend."

Sasuke, "NEVER. I WOULD RATHER DATE A BOY THAN THAT GIRL."

Me, *Bats eyelashes* "Yes Sasuke-darling, what did you just say about me?" *Voice turns sickly sweet*

Sasuke, *gulps* "Nothing m'am."

Me, "GOOOOD." *Hisses*

Karin, "Duck butt hair boy and stringy poop covered hair gurl."

Me, "NAH, only Kiki the pig would have hair like that. :D"

Sasuke, "Is it just me or is she getting on my nerves?"

Me, Well duh, its obviously only you."

…

Sasuke, "A hamburger."

Itachi, "Order more professionally." *Winks* "Sir, a glass of tropical orange juice please."

Karin, "Nah, like this. Kind sir, I would prefer a medium roasted steak with still a bit of red on one side."

Me, "Watch me." *Smiles cutely* "Ah, the stars in the champagne these days. However, may I have some Chateau Lafite-Rothschild?"

Waiter, "Young miss, are you old enough to drink yet?"

Me, "Oh of course." *Fake blush and gazes with cute eyes* "Since it costs so much, mr waiter, your tie is so cool, will you cancel my payment for tonight. Pretty please? *Twirls hair*

Waiter, "Oh course Miss."

Karin, "Wait, me too!"

Waiter, "No for men!"

Me, *snicker snicker* "You are a "guy" apparently."

Karin, *Fuming her head off, like smoke is coming out of where her head used to be*

Me, "Yipee, Karin died!"

Karin, *Headless* "Are you sure?"

Itachi, *Sticks head back on* "Alright, we're done."

Sasuke, "Creepy…."

Me, "Aw, then can I rip off your head too?"

Sasuke, "No darling."

Me, "Call me that and die."

Itachi, "Alright, alright, let us enjoy our meal first shall we?"

Me, Sasuke, and Karin, "NO!" *Starts attacking each other*

**...**

**Okay, thats it. Im too bored to write more. Please leave a review to make Sasuke act more stupid!**

**-Naruto016**


	12. Chapter 12

**Back again! :D Long time no see! I'll try to publish at a faster rate but there's no telling when I have an hiatus. Thanks to one of my friends for some jokes in this story! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto neither will I type more because I'm literally falling asleep in my chair as I type this. **

…

Me, "Ah, that was a wonderful dinner correct?"

The other three, "No…. our pockets are very very sad and empty."

Me, "Good. Oh looky! There's so pocky!"

Itachi, *Rushes to ATM, is preparing to press the "take out only 10 dollars" button but I press the "take out thousand dollar" button*

Me, "Itachiiii, buy me some candy kay? Pwetty pwease?"

Itachi, *Gulps* "Yeah….. sure…. which ones?"

Me, *Goes down the row ordering every expensive type*

Sasuke, "Man…. I hate that girl…. even though you've got to admit that those puppy dog eyes are adorable."

Karin, "You fall head over heels for her."

Me, "And you don't Karinieeee?" *Pushes her so she falls head over heels*

Itachi, "Im so pooooor."

Me, "Wonderful, wanna go play in the arcade now?"

Sasuke, "No money dope-"

Me, *Waves credit card* **(My dear readers, there is no way she'd have one so it most definitely is poor Sasuke-kun's)**

Karin, *Mumbles* "When did you become so rich?"

…

_After spending hours in the arcade…_

Me, "Lets go!"

Sasuke, "Since when did you become so cheery?"

Me, "Ever since I stole your credit card and cashed it in to play at the arcade. Woopsies."

Sasuke, "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!"

Me, "Nothing…" *Squeaks*

Sasuke, "I…. you…. ugh…. have no idea how long it took to earn that…. weeks of scrubbing port-a-potties…." *Moans*

Me, "Meep."

Itachi, "Ah, no wonder MY awesome pants smelled like poop."

Sasuke, "YEAH, cause the guy with the job said I had to wear skinny jeans."

Me, "You wear skinny jeans Chi?"

Itachi, "Ermm…. never mind….."

…

_Later in the week…. I invited all the akatsuki to come and sleep over at my house…._

Kisame, "Spill girl. You didn't invite us just to be all nice."

Me, "Finee…. you got me. I invited you so we could play 7 minutes in heaven."

Kisame, "Ugh, that stupid game?"

Pein, "Shikia, you realize the boy to girl ratio is 5:1? That means boy and boy combos?"

Me, "Yup! :D"

Hidan, "... Pein's got Konan and if anyone else touches her, then leader-sama's gonna kill them…. which means….."

Tobi, "SHIKIA'S MINE!"

Me, "Wow, you are so slow Hidan."

Hidan, "Shut up girlfriend, cause you are mine now."

Me, "I like it when you fight over me."

All the others, "Nobody besides the two stupidest members of the Akatsuki are. Nobody wants to be with a girl like you."

Me, *Wimpers.*

Itachi, "Poor girl, you made her cry…."

Me, *Strangling Itachi* "Alright, who's ready to play?"

Sasuke, "Not me."

Me, "Alright, first up…." *Gets out hat to draw names* "Oh, here's a good chance to introduce another friend of mine. Her name is…. Horsey Kathy!"

Sasuke, "A horse…..?"

Horsey Kathy, "I'm a girl now." *Magically transforms into girl with a tangled mess of black hair.*

Me, "Oh, this happens about once a month for the whole night, so yeah."

HK, *Blows kisses*

Sasuke, "She's more attractive than you."

Me, "Eh!? Waaaa?! I've been betrayed…"

Itachi, "That was mean Sasuke."

Me, "Aww thank you. You're a real heartbreaker Itachi. And I'm a throatbreaker." *Strangles Itachi*

HK, "Nah, Shik is so much more prettier. I luv her gorgeous dark blue eyes though."

Kisame, "We have a bisexual person here?"

HK, "Nope!"

Kisame, "So far, she's the only one thats normal out of all your friends."

Me, "She's a real sweetie. Except when she gets into a laughing fit….. you don't wanna see her like that so try not to say things that are too funny…."

Deidara, "Oh of course we'll keep that in mind…" *Nervous laughter*

HK, "Lets start playing kay?" *Gushes*

Tobi, "Yeah! My gorgeous Kathy!"

Me, *Whispers in Horsey Kathy's ear* "Don't get that dunderhead on your case. He's scary."

Sasuke, "He heard that."

Me, "Shut up, now lets start!

**...**

**All done! I really luved that chap. Lolz. Let the fun BEGIN!**

**-Naruto016**


	13. Chapter 13

**ALRIGHTY! LET THE GAMES BEGIN! Heh Heh, who should I pair them up with? No disgusting stuff, I promise. I may have a scarey mind but I don't just write it on here.**

**Disclaimer: Now I want to own Naruto, although I don't, just to torture the characters.**

…

Me, "First names are…."

HK, "By the way, I'm not playing, just teasing and filming and such…. my eyes can see through walls too."

Me, "Konan and…."

Pein, "It better be me."

Me, "Pein."

Everyone, *Falls asleep, there's no point in shoving two already dating people in a closet.*

Me, "Alright, skip them. Kathy, go ahead and draw two names!"

HK, "Tobi and…. HIDAN!"

Me, "God…. worst combo ever…."

Hidan, "What the- is your- problem-."

Me, "Good, you've stopped yourself before saying a cuss word."

HK, *Shoves them in closet and locks door.*

Me, "Alright, turn on your ears."

Awkward silence follows…

"WHAT THE ACTUAL F- ARE YOU F- DOING TO MY -?!"

Slurp Slurp

Me, "Explain Horsey Kathy."

HK, "Tobi's licking his face and acting like its a lollipop."

Kisame, "Some people are weird."

"MOAN, AHHHHH!"

HK, "Tobi's started jumping on him and stabbing him with his scythe."

"AH, FEELS SO GOOD. MORE IN THAT SPOT."

HK, "Hidan's just being a weirdo and likes it when Tobi saws off his arm apparently."

Me, "Must be happy being immortal huh, Hidan?"

Hidan, "YEAH. It feels wonderful."

HK, "Seven minutes are up! Next pair!"

Kisame, *Reads names* "Sasuke…."

All members, *MOAN*

Kisame, "And Shikia!"

Me, "MOAN"

Sasuke, "Can you skip us too?"

Kisame, "Nope."

Sasuke and I, *Entering closet*

Me, "Don't hurt me Sasukeeeee."

People on outside, *snicker snicker*

Sasuke, "Don't be an idiot. Now we will just sit here in the "dark" *Shivers* for 7 minutes."

Me, "Why do that when we can make fun of you?"

Sasuke, "So they don't think we're making out in here."

Me, "Alright."

One minute… two minutes… three…

HK, "They are just sitting in there."

Kisame," Boring!"

Me, "Alright then. Im tired of this too."

Sasuke, "Nah."

Me, "AHH HELP, SASUKE'S TRYING TO KISS MEEEEE!" *Banging on door while Sasuke just sits there in the dark glaring a light beam*

Deidara, "Ah, I knew he had feelings for that girl-un! Cheerleader squad!" *Deidara and Sasori come out with frilly short cheerleader dresses and start chanting Sasuke's name.*

Me, "Ahh! The pain….. he's glaring at me!"

Sasuke, "I will make you feel real pain when we get out of here."

Outsiders, "AWWWWWW."

Me, "SASUKE JUST TOLD ME HE'S CHEATING ON KISAME BY KISSING ME!"

Sasuke, "WAAAA? FIRST OFF, I DID NOT KISS YOU!"

Me, *(I'm a ventriloquist) Imitating Kisame's voice while making it sound like he's talking* "OH NO SASUKE, WHY HAVE YOU TOLD HER! THAT WAS OUR LITTLE SECRET!"

Kisame, "Girl, you are entering your grave the second you get out of there."

Me, "SASUKE'S GAAYYYYYYYY."

Sasuke, "WHAT THE HECK. I AM NOT."

Cheerleader squad, "GOOO SASUKE-GAY-KUN~!"

HK, "Seven minutes are up!"

Me, "Ah the fresh air-" *Strangled by Kisame*

Kisame, "Hahaha, the only air you will be breathing is the one in your coffin!"

Me, "Aw thanks fish stick, its wonderful how you'll buy me a coffin." (Shikia is abnormal, so of course she can talk perfectly fine while being strangled)

Kisame, "Yeah, a coffin as in a paper box!"

Me, "My body wouldn't fit."

Kisame, "Chopping off a leg or an arm wouldn't hurt."

Me, "Nasty."

HK,"Next pair is….. Deidara and Shikia!"

Me, "Why do I have to go twice?"

HK, "Cause someone wrote your name multiple times. Now go into the closet."

Deidara, "Rats…. I don't wanna be tortured by herrrr."

Me, "Don't worry Dei-dei-chan, I'll be nice." *Immediately grabs pair of scissors and starts furiously cutting his hair.*

Deidara, "HELP, I THINK I'M BALD!"

Others, *snickers*

Me, "Bwa ha ha! THIS IS YOUR DEMISE!"

HK, "Shik, your erm... other friend is coming... she's barging in... and she's screaming..."

Mystery Friend, "WHAT THE HECK! WHY DID YOU START THE GAME WITHOUT ME?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

**... **

**Lolz, this friend is a boy. Finally. He's erm, one of the creepiest ones ever... worser than Nerodora... just sayin... little heads up!**

**-Naruto016**


	14. Chapter 14

**Heehee. BIG WARNING FROM LAST CHAP ABOUT THIS LITTLE GUY… He's somewhat mentally ill….. ENJOY! However (I think I'm starting to become diagnosed with weirdness just because I'm writing this….) One more thing guys, the "me" in the story isn't actually me. Its just a narrator, also my naruto-world character.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Deidei-chan would have been bald already, Naruto would have died, Sasuke would have died, Sakura would have married Ino, Itachi wouldn't be a zombie, and Madara would be peacefully eating fried eggs at his house. (For no apparent reason)**

…

Mysterious Friend, "BWA HA HA! LET ME JOINNNNNNNNN!"

HK, "Yeah, sure, of course…"

Mysterious Friend, "WHO'S IN THE CLOSET?"

Me, *Stumbles out as soon as he opens closet* "CROWBOY! LONG TIME NO SEE!"

Mysterious Friend, "MY NAME ISN'T CROWBOY!"

Me, "So is. I'll call you SQUASHED PIGEON THEN."

Mysterious Friend, "Greetings others. My name is Kyoshu Karasu. Shrek here, is just being weird."

Me, "Don't call me thattttt." *Gets all whiney around Karasu*

HK, "As for their relationship….. they are brother and sister."

Me, "UGH, THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET. I DONT WANNA PEOPLE TO KNOW IMA RELATED TO THIS IDIOTTTTT."

Karasu, "Alright. Shall we start playing this game? Oh and, by the way, I get really weird unconsciously."

Me, "Don't let crowboy play!"

Karasu, "I'm older than you so deal with it."

Kisame, "Alright bro, we are playing seven minutes in heaven with only two girls, except, now only one because Konan belongs to Pein."

Karasu, "I'm up to the challenge!"

Me, "Finee." *Draws names* "Itachi and Karasu…."

Karasu, "Oooooh, a girl?"

Itachi, "I'm a guy…"

Karasu, "Oh, so you're little Shik's bo-?"

Me, "GAHHH, SHUT THE BLANK UP!"

Itachi, "Huh? Bodyguard?"

Me, "Heh Heh, yeah, thats exactly what he meant…" *Shoves inside closet*

Sasuke, "I thought this was called, "The Grand SASUKE Show." Not the everybody show…"

Me, "Aww, you're jealous… by the way, don't do weird stuff boys!" *Notices that Itachi is alone with another human being*

Kisame, "Now girly, we all had our suspicions so…. do you?"

Me, "Do I what?"

Kisame, "You know….. have a small itty bitty crush on ravenboy?"

Me, "NEVER. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT IDEA?"

Sasuke, "C'mon, talk bout meeeeeeee."

Me, "Fine, you are so whiny today." *Gets out chainsaw* "Are you happy now?"

Sasuke, "Ermm…. nevermind."

Kisame, "Erm, if you don't mind. Its about time we go feast."

Me, "ALRIGHT! FOOD FOR LIFE!"

Karasu, "Hey hey, you forgot about me….."

Me, "I DONT CARE!" *Jumps into tomato pile and starts swimming through with mouth open.*

Kisame, "How come there's only shark fin soup 'nd sushi over here?"

Deidara, "And a whole bunch of explosives stuffed in them."

Sasori, "I taste wood in this sushi…."

Kakuzu, "MONEY IS IMBEDDED IN THESE SUSHI PLATES, MINE, MINE MINEEEEE."

Konan, "Ermm, there are little origami flowers floating in the soup…."

Me, "They are all designed to your tastes."

Kisame, "Yeah, except for mine."

Karasu, *Bursts through door* "YAARRG, YOU STARTED EATIN WITHOUT ME! I'M REAL MAD! DIE LITTLE SISTER!"

Me, *SQUEAL* "Everybody, I suggest you hide until he calms down." *Scampers downstairs*

All akatsuki know better than not to follow my orders and start hiding.

Karasu, "HIDE AND SEEK, PERFECT! IF I FIND YOU, YOU SHALL DIE!"

Itachi, *Stumbles out of closet* "Huh?"

Karasu, "I FOUND YOU CHI-CHAN! DIIIEEE!"

Itachi, "Gah!" *Performs genjustu and vanished to roof*

Karasu, "UNFAIR, YOU CAN'T DO THAT. MY JUSTUS ARE HORRIBLE!"

Me, "Let the games begin. I suggest playing "King" afterwards though."

…

**Alrighty! Hope you enjoyed it. :D  
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**-Naruto016**


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